HOW PROGRAMMERS HUNT ELEPHANTS


Programmers fall into many well known categories, and the following treatise describes the hunting techniques of these different species of computer programmers.
CLIPPER programmers...
...don't actually hunt elephants, they just buy libraries of elephant parts and then spend years trying to integrate them.
DBASE programmers...
...only hunt elephants at night when no one will notice that they are still using crossbows.
FOXPRO programmers...
...switch to newer and better rifles every few days which causes them to spend more time learning new shooting techniques than actually hunting.
C programmers...
...refuse to buy rifles off the shelf, preferring to take steel rods and a mobile machine shop to Africa intending to build the perfect rifle for the job from scratch.
PARADOX programmers...
...go to Africa with copies of Hollywood movie scripts about elephant hunting, the reenactment of which they believe will help them catch an elephant.
ACCESS programmers...
...zero right in on an elephant right away, even with no prior experience in elephant hunting, and then, impeccably dressed and fully looking the part, get the elephant in their beautifully mounted scopes, and then realize that other than missing a trigger, they are 99.9% there.
RBASE programmers...
...are rarer than elephants. In fact, when an elephant sees an RBASE programmer he considers it a lucky day.
VISUAL BASIC programmers...
...point at their bullets, point at their rifles, then point at the elephant. This amuses the elephants, who run away. They are unable to pursue the elephant because their jeeps are undriveable having steering wheels, yokes, joysticks and rudders, due to their love of multiple controls.
ADA, APL, and FORTRAN programmers...
...are just as fictional as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
COBOL programmers...
...have too much empathy to hunt another near-extinct species.
HTML programmers...
...spend so much time rearranging the rifles, Land Rovers, blinds, and other hunting gear so that it will result in a perfect hunting experience for every combination of guides and hunting parties that the elephants migrate to a new location.